growing up it was never my first choice to pick up a book and read for fun. at least I don’t remember that ever being the case. what I do remember is watching American Idol every Sunday evening with my mom, which I absolutely loved, or Wheel of Fortune while my entire family ate dinner together in the living room – crying through all the stories told before they went in for their audition or competing to see who could guess what the right answer was before the contestants answered on tv. don’t get me wrong, watching shows with my parents was great growing up, I loved having family movie nights and bonding over tv series we all enjoyed. I just can’t visualize a book I read as a child (besides maybe Junie B. Jones) for fun, I vaguely remember the books I was assigned in school because I never actually read them. I skimmed them, even in college, and I happily looked them up on Spark notes. shoutout to whoever is behind that website, you saved my ass multiple times – sorry mom and dad, gotta do what you gotta do to pass.
reading was never easy for me. when I was in grade school, I remember taking the TAKS test (major throwback) and I would always use more time than my classmates reading the story than trying to figure out the answers for all 15 questions. I was always feeling embarrassed.
and don’t even ask about my SAT – absolutely horrifying.
“I’m a slow reader” became my excuse for everyone when they would ask why I don’t read or why I didn’t read for my assignment in school. I would say things like, “it’ll take too long,” or “I don’t have that much time.” reading textbooks were WAY out of the question and I just came to the conclusion that I would never find reading fun the way both of my parents did or my friends who easily read hefty books like Harry Potter or Twilight, which is hilarious because in college I collected books. I was obsessed with books. I would start them and never finish. my eyes always seemed to get droopy after the first couple chapters, even if I was reading in the middle of the day. but I will say, it was the best way to put a girl to sleep. anytime I needed to go to sleep fast, I would just start reading a book and BAM – I was out like a light.
but this year.
this year, everything has changed. and for the better.
I actually enjoy reading.
at the beginning of 2019, I decided to look at reading as a joy and not a force and so I told myself to pick up one book a month, whatever it may be, and read it. January was a great start, I was eager and ready to start my new goal! I read Friend of Sinners by Rich Wilkerson Jr. and I was completely moved in ways I honestly can’t explain. that book put into perspective what it should be like to love the people around me as Jesus loves them. freely and without wanting anything in return. February was good too, I read Who is my Neighbor? by Wayne Gordon. this book opened my eyes to see people for who they are, without judging and assuming, with arms open wide to welcome them into Jesus’s love. I also read Rad Women Worldwide, an inspiring autobiography of 30 different women and how they’ve challenged and shaped the world. totally inspiring.
BUT MARCH
march has been a change of pace for me, I am currently finishing my first fourth book and I am even more eager to read more than four in April now. the first book I read was a book of poetry written by a Ugandan poet, whom one of my co-workers actually knows (super small world, huh?). the second book I read, I wrote an entire blog about because I was shook to my bones. We Should All be Feminists by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie was “life-changing and mind-setting,” as I said in my previous blog, because it helped me realize things about myself that I didn’t know. it opened me up to a whole new me and the way I view myself, and women in general. the next one I read was Befriending the Stranger by Jean Vanier, and the best part of this one was that I got to read it with my friend, Ashley, and it was just a beautiful way to experience Jesus together.
right now, I’m currently finishing That Thing Around Your Neck by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. this book is filled with multiple short stories, none of which are focused on Jesus. she focuses on stories concerning her home country, Nigeria, and the rawness of different Nigerian perspectives and lifestyles. she has a true gift.
I hope that people will one day say the same thing about my writing. “Jordan makes writing look easy,” or “she speaks with integrity while also focusing on the real problems in a way that moves people.” – this is what I hope for: to encourage and influence people with what I write, and I don’t necessarily that always means writing “God this, and God that.”
I think since I became a Christian, nearly 7 years ago, I used to think that I should only be reading “Christian books” or ones that give insight on how to better my life and walk with Jesus – but now, that isn’t the case. I have found out that as much as I love reading books specifically about Jesus or something along the Christianity genre, I absolutely LOVE finding Jesus within non-Christian books. especially poetry. Last year, in the spring semester of 2018, I started reading poetry. more specifically, I started reading Milk and Honey by Rupi Kaur and for those of you that don’t know what it’s about, it’s about survival. some of the themes within the book is abuse, violence, rape, love and loss – it is very deep, making you feel whirlwind of emotions, but even though it isn’t focused on Christ in any sort of way, I still seemed to find Jesus in the midst of her poetry. it was beautiful and thrilling, all at the same time.
I think the more I’ve read and the more I have focused on the joy that comes from reading for fun, the more I have realized that this is becoming my outlet of finding true rest. being a longer-short-term missionary, I have come to see that this year is feeling like an extremely long summer camp – it is exhausting. frustrating. I would even say draining, sometimes. don’t misunderstand, I love the village with my entire heart and wouldn’t trade this year for anything in the world but I can’t escape the madness and the constant “go, go, go.” I live in a compound with 15 other roommates who are always energetic no matter the time, and always wanting to spend time together (which I love but sometimes I just want some JoJo time, if you can imagine).
my favorite characteristic about Ugandans is how communal they are. they are constantly wanting to be together; inviting in whoever, laughing about who knows what, eating God knows what and shouting each other’s names until their friend finally answers (which can easily go for a solid 10 minutes, trust me – I’m not exaggerating). if you’ve been to Uganda, specifically in Zirobwe, I think you can agree that they never stop going. they are hard workers, also wanting to do something but I’m not Ugandan, meaning I want my time to take a nap or watch a movie or do something that isn’t considered “productive,” I guess.
so for the past 6 months, it has been hard for me to find that balance of rest without feeling guilty of not doing something in the community – and that is where reading has come in. reading brings me closer to Jesus in ways that I can’t put into words, and just walking into the book store at the mall brings my soul peace. in a way it’s weird, I’m sure, but in another way it’s beautiful because I am thankful that my Jesus continues to amaze me and find me through things that I would have never expected.
so here’s the deal, or the whole point of this excruciatingly long blog about reading: the more I read, the more joy I find. the more I read, the more rest I find. the more I read, the more knowledge I find. and the more I read, the more I learn about myself and who I am, and that, my friend, cannot possibly be a bad thing.
and I think you should be able to, too. I encourage whoever may be reading this (or skimming) to find what your kind of book is, maybe it’s poetry like me, or maybe it’s autobiographies about people who inspire you, or maybe it’s novels about love or mystery – whatever it may be, I say choose to find the joy and peace and rest while reading because reading isn’t meant to be dreadful, it’s meant to be enjoyed.
I also think it would NOT be a very good advertisement for me to become an author who hates reading. now that would be quite hypocritical and we can’t have that, now can we?
enjoy reading, friends.